Ok, first of all, had to say this. Music lately sucks ass. Specifically....albums. It seems like artists are no longer concerned about ALL their tracks sounding good. I have downloaded about six albums and on each of them there are only 2-3 good songs. What the hell is going on?


Ok, so thanks to Sara....I had the oddest fucking set of dreams last night. We went to the mall yesterday...dangerous, and we talked about how people have a bet on how my sexual preference tide is going to turn. We joked that I am really going on these three day sex sprees when no one can get a hold of me and then not telling anyone so no one wins the bet. Well then...I guess that must have been resting on my subconscious because I had some weird ass sex dreams...not nekkid ass, moaning, groaning, all-the-way-to-fruition segements. But offers, close encounters, and beginnings...and ALL with people I know. I am totally weirded out by it. So thanks a lot Shoe Queen.

Ok, so get ready for another long one....will try to keep it short.


I got a call today and I am in the ensemble of the show. I knew that was going to happen and the person who I suspected was going to get the part I wanted got the part. What made it tougher for me to get the part was they renegotiated how many equity contracts they could have and since I am non...I was booted off the list. Of course, there is no telling how close I was to getting the part, but who cares. Out of 60 people (40 from Tampa, 20 from NY) I was lucky to be cast. It;ll be fun and I look forward to learning a lot.


I went to the Florida West Coast Theatre Alliance auditions tonight. It was hell trying to even get there. I tried to get my headshot copied this morning at kinko;s...came out bad, they wanted it on disk, so I run home, put the files on a cd, bring it back, I forget to include the resume portion, but that is ok because i Wa streated rudely and told ot just do it myself at the computer, so I left. KINKO'S SUCKS ASS!!!!! So I was already running late. I run to school to teach my class but only keep them for 30 minutes because I Was underprepared. I run home, put the resume on the cd and go to Pro-Copy. NIce people. Cheaper. I go to my class. Bored out of my mind. Get out at four. Go to Pro-Copy. NIce People...Sucky Ass quality of printing. NO choice, so I grab em and go home. Change. Forget to shave. I am running late. I thought my audition time was at 7 with a call at 6....no no no, it was 6 with a call at 5. I left home at 10 to 5. He he he....so I am on the road and the trafiic was a PAIN IN MY ASS!!!! The rain did not help matters. I get to downtown St Pete and cannot find the damn theatre. FInally do.. It is 6:10. Obviously I missed my time so they add me to the list at the end.


It was good seeing people there that I knew. So I get called and I go into this room. I say hi and wave hello...no response. I give my music to the piano player and the nightmare begins. It is an electric piano with a metal single wire stand. My music is four pages long and the fourth page is falling off because the A/C is blowing on it. NOT A GOOD THING> I should have placed the whole thing on cardboard or in a folder. A bad fauz pas and sign of professionalism in theatre, but I thought it was going to be a real piano. Anyway, I sing my son. Could not hear the piano at all, but I kept on going. I end....nothing. I nailed the song tho, could have done a little more with my expressions.


I get to my monologue and they are in stitches. I was not sure if I shoudl have paused because we had a two-minute time limit and they stop you. So I took very short pauses. I was done and they were laughing, so I ended on a high note and did not wait for them to stop. I said thank you and left. So it wasn;t that bad. I am getting better at it. I did not feel nervous at all. However, I was not too appreciative of the woman knitting in the top right corner. I have no clue....


Went to dinner with some friends and then to the theatre unification party. Met some nice people. Offered some opportunities by others. Lauded for my audition. So I felt good, but I know I could have done better. All things I can use in August for the Florida Professional Theatre Auditions. So there ya go.... Now back to the real world.

    

Don't I look like a fucking people person tonight? Thought you would enjoy this. This is my "I-am-tired-as-shit-feeling-low-down-pessimistically-fed-up-with-life's-horseshit" face.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention this little point. Not that there is naything wrong with being superstitious, but I should have known that things owuld not go well today because it is Saturday the 14th, and traditionally, Friday the 13th is alwasy my lucky day with the following 14th being my unlucky. SO I guess everything fell into its rightful place.


BTW, I must be on this kick of watching really bad movies. Just saw Supernova It was just awful. Also saw Unbreakable, Snatch, I Went Down. Bad...Bad...Bad. NOw watching perfect storm. I hope it is good.

So.....I don't think I have felt this exhausted and depressed in a very long time...and I am sure that part of it is unmitigated. Ok, so I went to my callback. I was nervous but not as much as before. I wracked my head trying to figure out how to "perform" the song he gave me, but I got the point where I said "Fuck it!" I am just gonna go in there and do I what I do and if it is what he is looking for then great. I am not a mind reader. So I stepped in, and did it (one of the producers/owners of the theatre was there -- she came to see me in Triumph of Love and was one of the people standing around talking about me). I hauled out my freaking personality and was like "Hey!" And they were very responsive and cheery. When I finished he said "Good, good." Very ambivalent and very ambiguous so I have no idea what that meant. He asked me to sing the last three measures of one plus one and I did and did a little dance to it and had fun, and he heard I could hit the B flat again. I was not prepared for what happened next. He handed me the final section to Jake's song in the second act where he goes crazy. Now be aware, that in Side Show he is the African American character. I agree with blind casting and all and I LOVE his songs, but I don;t think I could do the part justice. He gave me a choice of singing it then or spending some time with the music. I opted for the second. Now....my friend Jorge was called back to sing for the part, and he vocally fits that part so well. I am too much of a tenor and have too much of a tenor tinge to my voice whereas he is a bari-tenor, but is older so have a richer sound to his voice.


So I go back in and I Sang the song and kicked the shot out of it. He said "Good." He must enjoy that word. He asked me to do it again and do two things, make my sound deeper an richer and to be totally animalistic and enraged with the song. Now the second part I can handle. After doing Che, I learned how to tap into that angry bastard part of me. But the first...I can make my sound richer, but there is only so deep a tenor can do without completely screwing with my chords. I am only 24. I am not going to have the deep bari sound yet. But I tried anyway. He stopped me after the first sentence and asked me to not think ahead as I was singing. Which I was...I was making the connection at the end and made the song too "intelligent." SO I tried it again, and I think he stopped me again and asked for more rage. Fine, so I kicked the shit out of it and really went for it. So much so that when I was done, I literally almost blacked out. I couldn;t breath and the room started spinning and I Had to take a step back to keep from falling over. I said "Wow!" And he said "Yeah.. It;s pretty powerful isn;t it?" Of course, the producer who had been leaning over listening to me fell back with her hand to her chest when I was done. I am assuming that was a good sign. But I don;t think I did what he was looking for. Maybe it is because of my lack of experience or from doing nothing but musical comedy for the longest time and only have two dramatic roles under my belt. I dunno. But that was it and he sent me on my way.


Now, like I said, I love the Jake part. But I would rather be Buddy. And I think the only reason why he had me sing that is because the group of people who talked about me after Triumph thought I would be good for that part. Either that or he found his buddy and wanted to try me out for something else. I don;t know and I think playing the "what if" game is pointless. But when Jorge went in to sing it....he not only kicked the shit out of it, he screwed up against the wall hard. And I knew that would happen. And I am not being malicious. He is by far the better choice for the role and he has years of experience over me. I don;t care what anyone says, but life experience does translate into what you can do and can;t onstage. Jorge came out beaming because the director said "Yes. That's it." Which basically means the part is his and they would be crazy not to give it to him. He would kick the shit out of that part. Which leaves me wondering even more what the hell I am going to end up with. Now, I have NO problem being in the chorus and for my first professional thing I would be crazy to think that I could get anything bigger. Not that THEY know that. BUt it;s like once they consider you for a part you get your heart set on it, and I would not have a problem not getting Buddy, but part of the problem is that I don;t think I did what I know I am capable of. Part of me left feeling like I never want to perform again...and this was just the FREAKING audition. Who knows. I know I need to experience and get used to rejection, I know I need to get used to how the system works. I know it all. Maybe Sara is right. If it is meant to be it is meant to be. Maybe I do need to focus on school and get it out of the way, get my green card, and then pursue it. I am so confused about all of this.


As much as I hate saying and thinking this, I wish I never got interested in and into performing and theatre because every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep, my first and last thought is performing. This just royally sucks and I just want to know NOW whether I am in the show or not. At this point, I am just praying I get in the chorus.


Damn...this was a long blog.

Ok, so not feeling well about tomm.'s audition at all. I started out being very excited and now I am like serioulsy pessimistic about the whole thing. I know I need the experience, and without sounding egotistical, I need to feel what rejection is like so I can used to it if I plan on doing this as a living. I just don;t feel too sure of myself or whatI can do. I guess Jaosn was right, I am the only one who gets in the way of my ambition.


On another note, I am seriously concerned that I may have an inner ear problem. I noticed this the last performance of Triumph and just tried some turns today and i am having serious problems staying in line and not falling over when I do turns to the left. SOmething is seriously wrong because when i do it one way, I am fine and I "stick it," but when I try it the other way I am literally stumbling all over the place and feeling sick to my stomach. I need to just bite the bullet and get myself to a doctor before anything gets worse if there is anything wrong, which I hope there is otherwise I will REALLY be worried.

Night 2....the frogs strike again....i hate them...they WILL suffer

Well, I just came back from my audition. And surprisingly, I am happy about what happened, although I do recognize the mistakes I made. Ok, so I get there. It's a very cool two story deal where the out-of-town actors are housed. One of my friends was already there so I sat with her in the little waiting area and we chatted, and then Amanda showed up and we all chatted until it was my turn....dum du-dum dum.


Sooooooo..I walk into the room and there is the piano player to the right and the director seated behind a table head down reading my resume and we he looked up at me I felt like I was being studied on an autopsy table. It was all very professional and low-key. So I handed over my music and go to sing my first song. Hit everything, sounded clear. He asks me to sing it again and give it "a bottom." And I am thinking...huh? He says ot make it richer and the light bulb goes off. So I do...and he goes, "good." He asks me to sing the next song, so I do. I didn;t think that I was singing loud enough, but hey it was a tender ballad. He says, "Good." Then he says" Tell me about yourself." So I tel him I am a student and terach freshman and do theatre onthe side. He asks me, "What do you do in the summer." I say, this is my first summer teaching but usually iw ork on some theatre projects. Didn;t get too friendly or chatty but I smiled and I think I was rocking. Hey, give me a break. It was my first legit thing. I had a right to be nervous. Then he asks the dreaded question, "How much dance experience have you had?" And I say," Onstage or training." "Training" And I think...shit shit shit...so I tell him the truth, "I am mostly self-trained but all together I have up to a year's worth. I have had classes along the way but nothing formal for a long period of time." He scribbles something on a sticky note and attaches it to my resume. I have no clue how to read that. He asks me if I am familair with the show. "Oh yes!" And the music. "Oh yes." He asks me to sing the last three measures of one song, so I do. He looks over at the acoompanist and says "He;s got the B flat." And I think "Yes...good job Fadi." Then he asks me to learn this piece of music and come back on Saturday. He tells me he wants me ot think more about what is happening ot this character and less about he notes. This is how I interpret it. I did a good job sinign my songs, but the problem is I think I came off too much lie a singer because I didn;t feel that I meoted enough in my songs facially and I resorted to stock fucking moves with my gestures (such as the one hand out deal). I should have used the mirrored wall in front of me as a gauge...but like I said....first time. I also wasn;t as up and cheery as I usually am when I meet people. I was friendly but not overly. I figured I can show that part on Saturday. So I feel very lck to have gotten called back and now must redeem myself. I am hoping that my resume convinced him a little that I CAN act. The funny thing is, I wasn;t even nervous. I guess he just intimated me. NO wait....he DID. Like I said, very professional and busess like, but not an asshole. So....Saturday at 11:30 I go back...and oh yeah...I got called back for one of the three male leads. I was NOT expecting that. I would have been freaking happy about just getting into the chorus...but if I get that part...I WILL be doing cartwheels. I hate singing that early in the mornin, but it must, and WILL be done. Another bad part is that rehearsals are from 10-6 all week with one day off. If I get cast, I would need to do some SERIOUS rearranging of the school schedule...but for this...it is more than worth it. So cross yer fingers, toes, and other bodily parts!

Ok, feeling like I am going to barf becauseof this audition. Almost on the verge of not going.


Had the weirdest dream. My toilet was backed up and the plumber and I could not figure out why. So he pulls apart the toilet seat and it opens up to reveal a plastic stopper and he removes it, and like magic there is the water just standing still but it is blocked. SO he gives me this plastic glove and leaves. SO I am like "what the hell?" SO I put on the glove and start reaching in and start pulling out vegetables like leeks, potatoes, and carrots. And then I wake up. I have NOOOOOOOOO clue what any of that even means.

The freaking Frogs are back. I knew the week and a half silence was too good to be true. It's like Silence of the Amphibians. I can hear you Croakice. I ate yoru frogs legs with some lemon butter and a nice bourdeaux...ff f ff ff ff ff ff ff ff ff.

So Tomm is the big audition. I am slightly nervous and ready to barf my brains out.

Well, the show is finally over and while part of me is sad to see it go, part of me is relieved that I will have part of my life back. Of course, I woul rather spend my hours rehearsing instead of doing school shit, but hey, can;t have everything. The show was received very well and I maneged to impres the big heads at the GOrilla who are very interested in casting me in Side Show, so I REALLY hope this is a good sign. Now, I just need to survive the audition and I will be fine.

Ok, so yesterday I went grocery shopping and decided to stop by the Arab store across from me for some olives. It hit me that my Arabic language skills have degraded SO much. I couldn;t even remember how to say green olives in Arabic. What a reality check it was. A bad one at that.

Saw AI yesterday and absolutely loved it. Something about Kubrick productions just speak to me. It was a long movie and reminded me of a Poe Story...could have ended so much earlier but just kept going, but everything was essential. I loved the script, the lighting, the symbolism, the foreshadowing, and on and on. Naturally, most of the audience didn't get the freaking movie. Too bad for them. Anyway, there ya go.

Ok, so last night I was exhausted (a good thing) and i was all ready to go to bed on time. However, a mosquito decided to play a game of tag with me in my bedroom. I was NOT about to be banquet for the little sucker while I slept, but trying to track it and kill it was impossible. I looked like something out of a John Water's movie lying in my bed with a can of raid waiting for some sign of it and turning on the lights once in a while to see if I could see it (the TV provided the other light for those who think they will be funny by saying "if the lights were out how could you see it." I finally caught the liuttle shit at 2 am and went to sleep

Opening night went very well tonight. It was a costume mishap evening but the audience seemed to really enjoy the show. I had a blast. Ok, need to go plan my class for tomm.

Figured this would be appropriate in celebration of a holiday that I have no relation or connection to.

Jeez..after much searching I finally found these...he he he....Sara, here is my tiny little dedication to the wonderful little creatures from Titan A.E. called the "Gaol"

Ahhhhh....some things in life are just too perfect and fated.

Ok, so I was totally wiped out and exhausted today. Gee, can;t imagine why. Rehearsal went pretty well tonight. Only some minor errors. BUT, luckily no ribbons fell off, only very minor tempo problems, tights stayed up. Messed up a wee bit, but it was ok.

I am ready to fall dead asleep.

Well, had another good night's sleep last night again...no frogs...that's all....

~~ WARNING: Long ass, VERY angry entry ahead ~~

Ok, so first of all. Not only am I exhausted as hell from rehearsal, and sick and motherfucking tired of driving to BFE everyday, but rehearsal sucked both my titties and my ass. My mic pack kept flopping out and yanking my head and stopping me from doing the dances, I kept stepping on the fucking ribbons on my pants and yanking them off (I am now up to 11), forget about my thigh tights which will not stay up, and the poor orchestra had no clue what tempos to play any of the songs I was in, so they sucked. And I mean they SUCKED. We're not given any time to fix it or set the songs, so I can only imagine what the hell it is going to sound and look like on opening night. How;s that for publicity for the show? On a positive note, the lights look freaking awesome. Tomm had sure as hell better go better than tonight. Hate to be pessimistic, but unless we get a chance to work with the orchestra, the numbers are going to suffer. I am soooooooooo over it.

School today. Not only was I fucking bored sitting in class for two and a half hours. But my class that I teach informed me that all of them knew each other because they are a part of the PEP program....the university equivalent to GOALS Programs in high schools. Now, this severely pisses me off, not because I think they are idiots and I got stuck with a bunch of rejects, no no no, I am pissed because they even have a program like that where students are placed simply because of their low SAT scores. They have their classes picked for them for one year. They mess up once and they are out of the program and therefore out of school, all 150 students in the program are housed together in the WORST dorm on campus with another "underachievement" group, they are led around on field trips, and have to meet with counselors every week.. They are not allowed to drop out of classes or withdraw for ANY reason. What the FUCK is wrong with universities. These poor kids feel like they are stupid and are being treated like stupid people. I made sure to assure them that they are going to be treated like every other student by me and will not have it easy because of the program. This is ridiculous to strip students of their most basic dignities and rights. They can;t even enjoy their first year of college. They can;t live where they want to, have jobs, or have cars. I am so glad I am getting out of this motherfucking system.

KISS MY ROYAL FUCKING ASS!

Now....how;s that for an angry rant? And Sara, if I were in your place, you know I would climb out on the balcony and get all ghetto on their asses.

Well, after a long, and I do mean LOOOOOOOOONG, day of rehearsing yesterday, which actually ended up being a lot of fun, I came home expecting to fight back the sounds of frogs. BUt miracle of miracles, no frog sounds at ALL!!! I was so elated, and I slept so peacefully and comfotably. Of course, I had to go back to school today and deal with the intellectually egotistical, but hey, ya can't have everything. When I get home tonight, I'll blog about my class, a VERY interesting situation.