Gasp....A Break from Blogging

So I've been busy, which is an understatement. So most of this weekend is a blur to me mostly because I did so much and stayed up so late every night that my recollection is weak due to exhaustion. So where to begin....

The first, and most important, was my declaration of friendship to a certain person (sniff sniff....I smell cookies). I battled with this for several days. I know it seems quite odd that friendships require mulling over and decision making in their creation. But I have spent my life making and losing friends and to me, my friends are my life. I live and breath through and with my friends and, to be quite honest, they are my family and always have been. I am thankful for all the friends I have made in my life, but the process of slowly losing touch with most of them due to time and space.

Sara made an interesting point today when I was raving about how happy I was that I never have to worry about matters of the heart or dating bullshit. Frienships are just like any other relationships and to me, in absence of "those" relationships, I have my friendships. Both are exactly the same except for the element of sex (altho we all know about the friends with benefits thing). She brought up some examples of my friendships and compared them to lovers and by God she was right. They are precisely the same. I go through the same ups and downs, the same heartbreaks and joys, and the same enjoyment of having close connections with people. And since sex is complete worthless and pointless for me, it works out grand. Of course, this substitution also explains why I occasioanlly had problems with some of my friends which lead to "break ups," for lack of a better word.

Anyway, over the years I have become very guarded about the people I let into my life and to whom I lower my defenses. It saves me a lot of heartache and allows me to focus on my close friends. I have surface acquaintance friends galore (for God's sake, I have 110 people on my buddy list) and I enjoy them just as much as my close friends. The difference is my emotional connection and the degree to which I love them (and again, I use love not the in norm).

But I digress. After four years, I finally let me guard down and let someone in again, and to be quite honest, the experience is not only exhilirating and satisfying, but fulfilling. I make it sound like some Buddhist experience, I know. But to find someone with whom I can so closely connect on all levels, with whom I can both bullshit and talk on an intellectual level, and with whom I can make laugh over and over again to no end is amazing to me. So I once again delcare: You are most definitely my friend. . .but you're still gonna have to break down the rest of the walls ;b.

As for this weekend...ay dios mio. I spent Friday at rehearsal, then a birthday party, then I crashed at a friends house where I talked to a fellow immigrant until five in the morning. I got up at 9:30, went to pick up the elf (who made the most amazing breakfast I have had in a long time), and went to rehearsal until 4. Then off to a pot luck dinner until about 9:30, then socialized for a little, then came home and got on the phone until 4 a.m. with the elf. A phone conversation that degraded into pure nonsense...I still cannot recollect much of the last half other than a few snippets about the movie Snatch and a discussion about the animal planet network which involved animal noises (wombat wombat wombat). I....am...exhausted.

I woke up this morning thinking it was going to be a slow day, but oh no. I had to redesign a site, had to think of a new design for mine, consoled and advised 8, I say 8, people online all at once and fielded two conversations with friends who were in tears. Tonight was the night for EVERYONE to have problems. Don;t get me wrong. I love helping and advising, it comes with the territory of being selfless....but all of them at once not only confused me but made me want to medicate myself.

On a good note, I had a great dinner that Sara's out-of-town friend Carlton made and then I came home where I now sit typing this and conversing with my fucking friend :). Needless to say it has been a busy and fulfilling weekend full of surprises. I did something I never thought I could do again and had fun in the process.

I guess there are moments in life after all that are positive and that make life worth living. So thank you.......