Hmm....no clue

Well, I can honestly say that I have nothing substantial to blog about. I have felt so lachrimose lately, so naturally, I have no desire to sit here and type away mindlessly at the computer....oh wait....can;t say that now!

Hm...let's see.... I could question human existence in the universe. I could expound on cultural ideologies. I could analyze the sociological psychodramatic behavior of my friends. Or I could sit here and bullshit.

Honestly, I have been out of my mind trying ot find things to do. There is only so much reading and working out one person can do before they go out of their mind. I am tired of hanging out with people, but don;t want to be languishing in solitude. I want to sit at home and watch movies, but I am tired of sitting on my ass. I am in such a state of flux. However, I am actively trying ot find myself a job so I don;t have to worry about teaching anymore. It was fun while it lasted, but USF has no concept on what fair pay is. And frankly, I am a jack of all trades, I like trying different things, so I want to be done with teaching for a while and do something else. I am SO sick of school, but I am starving for knowledge. I am living in a state of pardoxical oppositions right now.

I am also worrying myself sick about this green card lottery situation. Time is running out and as it stands I have no kind of visa whatsoever and am existing in a state of status flux. If this sucker does not go thorugh by Sept. 30 then my butt's going to be finding new stomping grounds. If nothing else this will just speed my plans of moving ot Europe. However, I WOULD like a crack at my New York plans first. I know it is senseless to be worrying about since it is completely out of my control. I just wish there WAS something I could do about it. It;s been very hard to live for the last 12 years in this country feeling like I was engrained in the culture and yet not a part of it. I really don't have a country to call my own (other than that which I am culturally aligned to). I have no recollection, or rather, very little, of my life back home. All my memories and growth took place in this country, and frankly, I could not imagine living anywhere else in order to pursue my goals. Sometimes I feel like getting in my car and drivingdown to INS and just getting down on my hands and knees and begging. Of course, the fact that I speak English flawlessly might confuse them. Yeah, that was a bad slight to make. But believe me when I say that on my first visit there, I was the ONLY one who spoke English was well as I did.

And now I feel completely bored with blogging and have no desire to finish this. I'll be back later.