A Trip to 7-11: A Tragi-Comedy in Five Minutes

This is a warning to all to eschew your late-nite cravings lest they end up like this:

A break in the Olympics from the male gymnastics all-around. I decide to sacrifice five minutes of swimming to run to 7-11 to feed my late-nite ice tea craving....I can't explain it. I throw on my short grab my keys and as I exit my door I notice something scurrying to my right, I look over thinking it nothing but see something go around the door jamb. Should I keep moving or stop. I have to stop. Having seen AVP today, my insectoid paranoias are at def-con 5. I close the door, flip the light switch and turn around and there it is on my door....A FUCKING COCKROACH. And not just the normal kind folks...a big one...a flyer. I recognized the body type from my childhood experiences which came flying at me all at once (no pun intended). Those flying nasties are what made me SOOOOOOO anti-roach. So I run to get my can of raid, which mind you is now spitting mist because it is almost out, and I spray.....and it LAUNCHES AND FLIES TOWARDS ME. I start flailing, my flip flops flying off my feet,and looking away and look back to see it on the floor....my cats are now eyeing it...but it's still moving. I grab a WAD of paper towels and try to pick it up, but it won't cooperate. I managed to scoop it up and take to the bathroom and flush it down. That ain't the end...

I have now killed 2 minutes and I rush to my car and get to the 7-11, tripping down the stairs on the way (I didn't fall). I get to there, get my tea and proceed to wait while the attendant (who had a nose ring on the RIDGE of her nostril...what the hell is the point of THAT) tries to scan it in. It obviously will not scan, but she keeps trying until she finally gives up and keys the number in getting it wrong twice. I grab my stuff and go home. Rush up the stairs....trip....AGAIN (didn't fall). Make sure there is nothing there to bar my way and I go inside. And now I catch my breath.

Thus ends this little tragi-comic opus.