On the Road Again...

No, not planning a road truip. Just commenting that I am back on the road to wherver it is I am supposed to be going again. Trying hard not to be fatalistic about stuff, but it seems like this year, despite my efforts to change things, is shaping up to be a repeat of last year.

The AP thing not happening this semester as hoped. At this point, feeling very doomsday about the possibility of it next year. Trying hard to stay positive about the rest of the semester and finding great things to teach.....but teaching is a two-way street and these students' receptiveness is about as high as a dung fly.

The new car is working great and I love riding around in it. I feel very weird about it like it was the wrong choice and I have a sense of guilt driving it around.

I miss Sara and all my other adult friends and hanging out with them. But, I did have a great time hanging out with the family on Saturday, this time WITH the Elf, and then watching Mystic River a film that should be burned immediately along with Eastwood who should never direct a film again. He is an exposition freak and a predictable director. Steak and Ale was interesting and the evening was profound with laughter.

A stirring of emotions is being rekindled inside me that must be snuffed out and held at bay or I am going to lose my mind and put myself in a situation I do not want to be in.

Decided to create a blog to take notes for my high school experience. Easier than trying to write it down. Not as visually personal, but I DO want to be able to read the damned thing. I fear that I willhave to quit teaching at this school if and when the book comes out because of all the stuff I am "uncovering." I understand so many things about the secondary system that I didn't quite get before.

Golden Globes were interesting. Glad Angels in Americawon all the awards it did. Wish LOTR did not because traditionally if it wins at the GG, it's to make up for not winning at the Academy's. I hope that is not true because it really was an amazing movie.

I am at a loss right now and not sure for what. I am eagerly awaiting my next paycheck so I can plan my NY trip over spring break. I need to reconnect with that city and check out living and working possibilities. I am going to get nowhere slowly staying here in Florida.

Disjointed blog anyone?

On the Road Again...

No, not planning a road truip. Just commenting that I am back on the road to wherver it is I am supposed to be going again. Trying hard not to be fatalistic about stuff, but it seems like this year, despite my efforts to change things, is shaping up to be a repeat of last year.

The AP thing not happening this semester as hoped. At this point, feeling very doomsday about the possibility of it next year. Trying hard to stay positive about the rest of the semester and finding great things to teach.....but teaching is a two-way street and these students' receptiveness is about as high as a dung fly.

The new car is working great and I love riding around in it. I feel very weird about it like it was the wrong choice and I have a sense of guilt driving it around.

I miss Sara and all my other adult friends and hanging out with them. But, I did have a great time hanging out with the family on Saturday, this time WITH the Elf, and then watching Mystic River a film that should be burned immediately along with Eastwood who should never direct a film again. He is an exposition freak and a predictable director. Steak and Ale was interesting and the evening was profound with laughter.

A stirring of emotions is being rekindled inside me that must be snuffed out and held at bay or I am going to lose my mind and put myself in a situation I do not want to be in.

Decided to create a blog to take notes for my high school experience. Easier than trying to write it down. Not as visually personal, but I DO want to be able to read the damned thing. I fear that I willhave to quit teaching at this school if and when the book comes out because of all the stuff I am "uncovering." I understand so many things about the secondary system that I didn't quite get before.

Golden Globes were interesting. Glad Angels in Americawon all the awards it did. Wish LOTR did not because traditionally if it wins at the GG, it's to make up for not winning at the Academy's. I hope that is not true because it really was an amazing movie.

I am at a loss right now and not sure for what. I am eagerly awaiting my next paycheck so I can plan my NY trip over spring break. I need to reconnect with that city and check out living and working possibilities. I am going to get nowhere slowly staying here in Florida.

Disjointed blog anyone?

Yup...

Life's cellmate bitch it is. Oh well.

Cross 'em....HARD

One down.....one more to go. Can things actually work out or will I get screwed sideways again and become life's cellmate bitch?

Yeah....Nothing New

Got my first full paycheck today and was shockec by how much was taken out for taxes and other shit. Now I know why people get pissed offabout stuff like that. So not cool and so much less than what I thought I was getting. But I can make do I suppose. The checks from the studio will cover my losses from taxes.

Had a nice long weekend, but, getting sick again was not pleasant. A sore throat for 4 days....never happened before....not fun. Now I feel the OTHER symptoms, so yeah....

Hung out with part of the family on Saturday...had fun. Hung out with Tony yesterday...had fun. Just vegged out most of the weekend...had fun.

Back in the trenches this morning....not fun.

But who knows, by tomorrow I could be rescued from the pit of hell I am in right now. Cross your fingers people and wish me luck so I can turn around the hellish events of this past week right quick.

Well ok then....

The pictures....wow...some really great ones. Some really blurry ones again. Not sure what is wrong with the camera, but luckily the blurry ones are not ones that I like the composition of anyway. So....whew....

Ok, Maroon 5....great music. Must buy cd.

Britney's Toxic video. Amazing. Love the costumes, especially the "nude" body diamond one. Video has NOTHING to do with the lyrics, but great visuals. Especially love the laser sensor dance through. You gotta see it.

And in a REALLY shitty turn of events. I am sick.....AGAIN. THis makes 6 times in 4 months. SOmething is not right. I have never been this sick. It;s those damned disease-riden gibbon monkeys at the school. Or maybe I am exhausted? I prefer the mamalian excuse.

Black and White Journey into Madness

Well, the Elf and I FINALLY got our shit together and found time to finish out this photo shoot. I managed to shoot 4 rolls in an hour. I was a snapping fiend. And while I got a lot of great pictures, at least I hope so, none of it sits right me with me in any shape or form. I feel very odd and strange and just not good. I can't explain it or place it. I was in totally in the artsy zone taking the pictures and now I just feel reclusive about it. Thankfully, the Elf liked some of the pics from the first shoot, so that alleviated some concerns. I don;t know.....Elf....what about you? Is it just me?

Will the Insanity Never End.....How Much????

The annoyances behind buying a car...it sucks major ass. Sucks even more when you can't make a friggin decision!!!!!

If all goes well...papers get signed today...I am officially over it

Short week thanks to a field trip......thank GOD!! I am over the little kiddies. Anyone who teaches high school freshman deserves and award of some kind. Cross em....cross em.....cross em. WHisper AP into the night and hope I get the switch. Rescue me I am drowning in a sea of degenerate morons whose parents should have practiced better birth control. Don;t get me wrong, still love teaching...it;s the behavior management stuff that is pointless and a waste of time and talent as a teacher. And why do schools and school boards bother setting standards when they completely ignore then when a parent complains or makes idle threats. The state of education system is in dire need of some help starting with growing some balls.

Hilarity and enjoyment shall ensue this weekend as the family gathers for some fun....that's if they a) remember and b) don't work.

Sloth Sandwiched Between Mania

A busy weekend indeed. Friday included more rounds at the car dealership where I was informed of a down payment VW was requiring me to make based on my income, credit report, and negative equity. Had to drive a galactice blue car as opposed to the black I wanted. Went home to think about it and decided to do a little more research. Called them back and drove a hard bargain....now we'll see where it takes me.

Spent the night with Jorge, David, Tony, Nicole and Monique and had a great time barring the insanity at TGI Friday;s where I had to throw down on the manager because of REALLY shitty food and service. My behavior seemed to embarass some people, but I don;t understand how people cannot understand the simple idea behind goods and services. I pay your ass to be my waiter and serve me food that is not only palatble but is cooked properly, when you fuck up the orders and take your sweet ass time, I should not have to pay for crappy services rendered. If we buy cd that is scratched up, are we not going to return it and get a refund. I handled it quite well and was nice about it (altho I was an ass talking about it at the table to let out some of the aggression) and got my meals, which I didn;t even eat, for free as well as a coupon. I just don;t think businesses should be allowed to get away with shit. Save your pride for something else.

The group came over ot my apartment where we had some great conversations until the wee hours of the morning. The group thinned out until it was just David and I. We chatted it up until I just could not keep my eyes open around 4 am and sent him on his merry way.

There is something to be said for startling revelations and reality checks.

Saturday I did nothing all day except hang out with Jorge for a while who had a shitty day.

And today was spent getting organized and color coding stuff for school this week. I have to say that teaching high school is a dream for someone who loves office supplies, anal organization, and puzzles....and I love all three. I am keeping a positive outlook about all of this and just crossing my fingers and hoping things work out to everyone;s benefit and that I can do what I set out to in the end.

This is but an all too too short life that we spend wasting away in trivial things and people. Why DO we waste it on people who offer us nothing and make us feel like shadows in their life?

FYI.....Donnie Darko.....interesting movie.....must be seen again.

First Steps in '04....Someone Pick Me Up Off The Floor

Well hasn;t it just been a few days. I guess it is rather redundant of me to say that since I have date headers on these posts and you can see that for yourself, but I guess after a week of high school teaching I have gotten used to stating the bleeding obvious to less-than-intelligent people whose skills pander to the lowest common demoninator.

To say I was apprehensive about going back is an understantement. I really did NOT want to. I was prepared to just give it all up and go back to teaching college. Just the idea of having to dumb down my communication or slow down the speeding train of my thought and speech revolted me, as did the idea of having to play babysitter to a bunch of monkeys. Again, the light at the end of the tunnel: AP next year! It may even happen as early as this year, I am SOOOO crossing my fingers (Sara, pray to the goddess for me) that I get it this semester because my life woul dbe so much simpler. Things have been improved and looking up this year, so who knows. Maybe it will? Send good thoughts my way.

First week has gone by slow and exhaustingly although I am compiling great notes for my book. I HAVE to parlay this into some kind of text because the experience is just too good. SO different from college. The big positive....the pay. For instance, got my first check for two days of teaching. It was close the same I got for two weeks of three courses at USF. Sad....VERY sad. But I wish the money were enough for me to just enjoy it. I just don't like kids that young who don;t understand things like respect and responsibility. And it;s not like the parents can take all the blame. These kids are individuals who carry the burden of their own decisions...at least when they are not trying to scapegoat.

Although the year has been going well....last night did not. Had an early dance class and was looking forward to coming home and relaxing and watching TV instead of coming home rushing and crashing (which has been my week so far). I get home and get my keys out and my house keys are missing. And I have no clue how. I have all my key rings on a D-Ring (or Lesbian keychain as David calls it) and there is NO way they could have just fallen off. I had to call a locksmith because apparently the apt. complex won;t send out the maintenace guy to get the damn spare key. Went to K-Mart to buy new locks. Guy had to drill one of the locks. Had to fork out $50 for him and another $30 for the locks. And at the end of the day lost two hours and had NO time to just relax and veg out. Thank GOD the family is getting together tonight. I need the release and the laughter....well, family minus one.

The only other great about today is the impending car transaction this afternoon. I am becoming quite a bargaining shark thanks to my ability to recall watching my dad and mom haggle. I would say it is in our blood...if I were middle eastern. I hope it goes well. Oddly...I feel REALLY guilty forking out $40 for car payments....but leases are a beautiful thing. Just don;t want to fall into the trap of owning a car. Want to feel a little freer.

And finally, without going into too much detail....I have been a victim of no less than four occurences of racial profiling by faculty and staff this week, and have been called FAT....in a roundabout way. First the latter: go to see the head secretary, ask for some school shirts and such to feel "a part of the team," we go back to the storage room, she asks my size, I usually wear mediums or larges in shirts, she looks at me in disbelief and questions me about it, proceeds to hold a medium up, look at me, and pegs me for an XL or XXL.....and asks me about 4 times if I am sure about my size.

I must say that after doing a few math calculations...I can learn to bite my tongue and muddle through it with panache.

Oh the Laughs.....Ohhhhhhh the Laughs

Last night, barring a few aggravations and almost bitch slapping a few people, was an amazing night filled with laughter galore. The year is shaping out to be great so far and I hope it stays that way....of course, I am the only one in control of that situation. To even describe the evening would be moot, no one would get it. That's not patronizing, it;s just true.

Today is round 2 of car shopping. Trying to get rid of my car so I can just lease a car so I don;t have to worry about owning a vehicle anymore and worrying about what to do with one when I move. Besides, at the rate I have gone, I have had a different car almost every 2 years.....so this is works out well.

The Family

Not the traditional one....

So I spent much of today hanging out with Jorge and Tony going to Goodwill -- I got some NICE clothes for little money and these blood red goblets (2 for 12) which were very cool and which I find out online are antique wine goblets from 1876...hollah -- Wal-Mart and then going to dinner where Warren....an odd man indeed...waited on us.

The great part of the evening was putting together the DVD rack I bought from the mart. Imagine two fags and a step-fag trying to be very butch and putting this thing together and laughing every second of it dealing with screws and wooden pegs. You simply had to be there. I realized at that moment how I had always wanted a Fag Family....LOL, don't ask....and how I have one now. Jorge is the dad, Tony is the mom, David is the cousin, and Nate and I are the step-fags (for those not in the know or those who will assume something completely erroneous, it's non-gays being adopted into the "family"). I have never had so many male friends in my life, altho god knows some of them are bitchy and PMSy enough to be women, and it;s great. I never worry around them, I always smile, and I know I will always have a good time, give or take some. Unfortunately, Nate is rarely at the family functions which saddens us....but he;s always at those DAMN hockey games ;) (Hope you;re feeling better....next time, you WILL hang out with us). Anyway, the point is I love having them around and having them in my life. And for those of you about to step on the soap box, I abhor the word "fag," but when you own the violence you can use it in the non-aggressive manner it is usually used in. I RARELY ever use it, altho this post seems to be rife with it.

Tomorrow shall be another great day and I look forward to laughing some more because I need more of that. I did get a little blue tonight talking about some things in my past and watching videos of shows that just made me think of things I failed at that I know I could have made work and people and relationships that just went awry which I wish had not. It was also liberating to share things about my life that I NEVER shared with anyone because it was a part of my life that I felt was mine alone. But it somehow made it seem better in the end. It was a good day. A good day indeed.

And thanks Tony and Jorge for calling me after midnight last night. That was very cool of you.

Happy New Year

Well, 2004 is here. I guess I should get started on my goals and stop procrastinating, or I shall find myself still in the same place and state 10 years ltaer. I have made it a point to start making some changes, including getting more money saved up to get the hell out of here. I am dying here.

The eve was uneventful for me, really didn't do that much, but did go visit with the fam for about an hour. A relative by marriage, who is the same age as I am (we were ringbearer and flower girl at my cousin's wedding when I was like 8 or 9) is now engaged and I was just amazed because I forgot how much older we are now. Her and her finace run a webstore, www.juhligreene.com, creating shirts. Sounds simple but they use a new process that bonds the drop sof ink to the cotton molecules. Better than silk screening. They do original stuff or whatever you want. Check em out. Support em.

I return back to the world of high school in 4 days. God help me. The only saving grace is that I HOPE that I am able to take over the AP classes as early as January. I think I can hold out until the next year, but I just don;t want to tdeal with people at that level. It is very hard for me ot dumb down my own syntax and teaching because people don't understand basic vocabulary. That is not snobbery, it's just fact. When I have to define extraneous......come on.

I hope everyone has a great year. Thanks to all my great friends who have been there for me this year and the people who have changed my life in one way or another: Jorge, Nate, David, Tony, Mark, Diane, Sara. I love you all.

When did I get more guy friends than girl friends????