No More Procrastination
I have been mulling about not really wanting to take the time to type an entry but wanting to. I got sick again and am in this weird purgatory not well-not ill place. Eh...
I guess my new schedule is more exhausting than I thought. Teaching 11 classes is proving to be quite a challenge. My comp classes are fine, those are already in my system - I just tweak things here and there. The students seem nice enough and eager enough. My upper level courses will pose quite a challenge as they are mostly filled with non-writing majors who have already expressed that the class is not their cup of tea. Way to make my life easier - but I do like those challenges. The tap class is my easiest because it is a no-brainer to me. I am going to kill myself teaching this time around. I just know it. But that means more money to bank away. I gotta move. I mean I REALLY gotta move.
Finally got a gmail addy as I am tired of the 30-40 on-average doses of spam mail I get through the service I have been using since 1994. It has finally gotten to the point of being aggravating.
A Chorus Line is going well. Two weeks into it and we have learned and set the opening and the closing. Some great people in the cast, some great dancers, I get to work with some of my favorite people and friends, and aside from one bitchy dancer who needs to be put out of his misery, I am enjoying it. I am NOT, however, enjoying how it is wrecking my self-esteem. I have always had more to prove to people as a "dancer" and as a dance teacher and choreographer. I don't look it, I am not trained, so I have to fudge stuff and work three times as much to make people see me as such. I guess my work is good; I am not a good judge of it. I just feel like I make a fool of myself when I choreograph serious dance pieces. I like the challenge, but I always know when my musical theatre work sucks or not. I have more faith in that because it is a world I was brought up in. Dance is still relatively new and foreign to me. Five years versus 15 years is a big difference.
So in this show I feel like the odd man out. I am working my ass off, but the last few rehearsals have been tough. I lost my fire and drive and am not sure if it is because I was exhausted or because I just feel like I don't beling in there. Everytime the choreographer makes corrections and talks about how certain people need to look better, I just know he is talking about me. In fact, I asked him and he indeed was referring to me. Talk about a let down. Dance is one of those things where I feel the need to prove myself and impress people. I usually don't give a shit, but this is something else. Don't get me wrong, he is not brow-beating or telling me I suck...that is my own projection. But I thought my upper carriage looked good...and it doesn't (my port de bras as it were). I am sure it will get better and I am trying to stay positive, but knowing the show, the people working it, who will be seeing it, and what my character is supposed to be, I am feeling more pressure than ever to do well. I mean La Cage was a challenge, but I knew I had the basics to tap into and work from and do a good job. This...I dunno.
This Katrina business is depressing. Even more depressing is the government's slow reaction to everything. Kanye West is right: George Bush hates black people. Don't tell me this is not about race....it is too convenient. NO has flipped from a 70% white majority to a black one over the last ten years. Yeah, I am sure it is a difficult situation and environment to navigate through, but we did not seem to have any problem mobilizing and sending troops across the globe in less than 48 hours...we wait 5 days to help our own people as they are stranded, hungry, desperate, and dying. What a pathetic excuse for a leader and a body of leaders. People wanted him for another four years...well...ya get what ya want.
I am going to go wallow in my own self-pity now. I can't sleep, I am exhausted, and I have a craving for ice cream in the worst way.
Oh yeah...and I feel like a SUPER fat ass.
I have been mulling about not really wanting to take the time to type an entry but wanting to. I got sick again and am in this weird purgatory not well-not ill place. Eh...
I guess my new schedule is more exhausting than I thought. Teaching 11 classes is proving to be quite a challenge. My comp classes are fine, those are already in my system - I just tweak things here and there. The students seem nice enough and eager enough. My upper level courses will pose quite a challenge as they are mostly filled with non-writing majors who have already expressed that the class is not their cup of tea. Way to make my life easier - but I do like those challenges. The tap class is my easiest because it is a no-brainer to me. I am going to kill myself teaching this time around. I just know it. But that means more money to bank away. I gotta move. I mean I REALLY gotta move.
Finally got a gmail addy as I am tired of the 30-40 on-average doses of spam mail I get through the service I have been using since 1994. It has finally gotten to the point of being aggravating.
A Chorus Line is going well. Two weeks into it and we have learned and set the opening and the closing. Some great people in the cast, some great dancers, I get to work with some of my favorite people and friends, and aside from one bitchy dancer who needs to be put out of his misery, I am enjoying it. I am NOT, however, enjoying how it is wrecking my self-esteem. I have always had more to prove to people as a "dancer" and as a dance teacher and choreographer. I don't look it, I am not trained, so I have to fudge stuff and work three times as much to make people see me as such. I guess my work is good; I am not a good judge of it. I just feel like I make a fool of myself when I choreograph serious dance pieces. I like the challenge, but I always know when my musical theatre work sucks or not. I have more faith in that because it is a world I was brought up in. Dance is still relatively new and foreign to me. Five years versus 15 years is a big difference.
So in this show I feel like the odd man out. I am working my ass off, but the last few rehearsals have been tough. I lost my fire and drive and am not sure if it is because I was exhausted or because I just feel like I don't beling in there. Everytime the choreographer makes corrections and talks about how certain people need to look better, I just know he is talking about me. In fact, I asked him and he indeed was referring to me. Talk about a let down. Dance is one of those things where I feel the need to prove myself and impress people. I usually don't give a shit, but this is something else. Don't get me wrong, he is not brow-beating or telling me I suck...that is my own projection. But I thought my upper carriage looked good...and it doesn't (my port de bras as it were). I am sure it will get better and I am trying to stay positive, but knowing the show, the people working it, who will be seeing it, and what my character is supposed to be, I am feeling more pressure than ever to do well. I mean La Cage was a challenge, but I knew I had the basics to tap into and work from and do a good job. This...I dunno.
This Katrina business is depressing. Even more depressing is the government's slow reaction to everything. Kanye West is right: George Bush hates black people. Don't tell me this is not about race....it is too convenient. NO has flipped from a 70% white majority to a black one over the last ten years. Yeah, I am sure it is a difficult situation and environment to navigate through, but we did not seem to have any problem mobilizing and sending troops across the globe in less than 48 hours...we wait 5 days to help our own people as they are stranded, hungry, desperate, and dying. What a pathetic excuse for a leader and a body of leaders. People wanted him for another four years...well...ya get what ya want.
I am going to go wallow in my own self-pity now. I can't sleep, I am exhausted, and I have a craving for ice cream in the worst way.
Oh yeah...and I feel like a SUPER fat ass.
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