In the Absence of Silence
I'm depressed and beaten down. And, really, for no reason. I wish I could say my life is horrible, or the show I am working on sucks, or that everyone hates me. You know, something concrete and real to validate why I feel like poo. It has been a downhill slide the last three days. Yesterday I just woke up feeling down; not really grumpy. I stayed silent and to myself for most of the rehearsal. Maybe it was was set and hurt feeling fiascos I had to deal with yesterday, or looking at cast members who seem wholly disinterested in the notes I give them or what I say to them about their performances, or maybe I am just tired.
I know I am ready to give this baby up for adoption. I birthed this show some time last week and it is ready for an audience. I just need to get it out of my hands and let it rest with the actors and the audience. At least I have not had any rabid moments where I have screamed and raved like a lunatic. I feel like I picked my battles well, and even then, the battles were conversations and not megalomaniacal discussions. Like I said before, something is just missing out of the whole experience. I can't place my finger on it.
Tonight is the last dress and tomorrrow they get their first audience. They are ready. I am now being nitpicky about notes and making sure they are all thinking on their feet. Want it to be as perfect as it can knowing full well how naive and deluded it is for any director to expect a show to be completely perfect. It's not Brecht, but the audience will enjoy themselves and applaud. Whatever tech fubars there are will iron themselves out, and considering last night was the first tech night, I think it went well. Best laid plans and blah blah blah.
Maybe I just need a break....that's funny....a break. I am auditioning for Lion in Winter tonight and I honestly think that little change of scene and pac will get me rest. I just need something new to kind of stimulate me and re-energize me. I don't really fit into the show, but I like auditioning for experience and to keep my chops up because I know I am not the greatest at auditions sometimes. Oddly enough, I always feel better and can judge myself better at play auditions than at musical auditions.
Go fig....
Have a pleasant day and smile, everyone.
I'm depressed and beaten down. And, really, for no reason. I wish I could say my life is horrible, or the show I am working on sucks, or that everyone hates me. You know, something concrete and real to validate why I feel like poo. It has been a downhill slide the last three days. Yesterday I just woke up feeling down; not really grumpy. I stayed silent and to myself for most of the rehearsal. Maybe it was was set and hurt feeling fiascos I had to deal with yesterday, or looking at cast members who seem wholly disinterested in the notes I give them or what I say to them about their performances, or maybe I am just tired.
I know I am ready to give this baby up for adoption. I birthed this show some time last week and it is ready for an audience. I just need to get it out of my hands and let it rest with the actors and the audience. At least I have not had any rabid moments where I have screamed and raved like a lunatic. I feel like I picked my battles well, and even then, the battles were conversations and not megalomaniacal discussions. Like I said before, something is just missing out of the whole experience. I can't place my finger on it.
Tonight is the last dress and tomorrrow they get their first audience. They are ready. I am now being nitpicky about notes and making sure they are all thinking on their feet. Want it to be as perfect as it can knowing full well how naive and deluded it is for any director to expect a show to be completely perfect. It's not Brecht, but the audience will enjoy themselves and applaud. Whatever tech fubars there are will iron themselves out, and considering last night was the first tech night, I think it went well. Best laid plans and blah blah blah.
Maybe I just need a break....that's funny....a break. I am auditioning for Lion in Winter tonight and I honestly think that little change of scene and pac will get me rest. I just need something new to kind of stimulate me and re-energize me. I don't really fit into the show, but I like auditioning for experience and to keep my chops up because I know I am not the greatest at auditions sometimes. Oddly enough, I always feel better and can judge myself better at play auditions than at musical auditions.
Go fig....
Have a pleasant day and smile, everyone.
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