Oh God! I Just Remembered Another Part

Here is the third dream I just remembered. It hit me while I was peeing and had this feeling of deja vu. I was hanging out with my friend Dewayne and we went into a bathroom. So I am standing in a stall trying to pee and all of a sudden all these guys are in the bathroom, talking, and entering my stall and leering at me from the stall behind. And then I realize I am in some kind of weird glory hole/bath house/crusing joint and I am being accosted and shooped by various guys. And I am just standing there thinking, "Um, I realy need to pee. Could you leave?" I guess I got staked out by one of the guys and somehow Dewayne gets one as well. It was the oddest thing in the world.

I am telling you...no more PB&Js before bed.

The Evils of PB&J, Circumcision, and AVEN

So I have recently been addicted to eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before I sleep. I can't explain the recent craving AT ALL. But I guess the one I had last night did not sit well with my dreams because I had some ODD ones. For some reason, I was picked by my agent to be Britney Spears escort to some party/unveiling thing. And I went all did up and she and I got along swimmingly and were just a pair of good old friends. Then I see footage of myself and my tie looks all askew and for some reason I can't tie it right, so she does it for me. There is more, but I can't remember all the details. If I were David, this dream would make more sense, and while I do enjoy her music, I certainly don't obsess over her or have her on a pedestal. Of course, the second dream was not any better. My neighbors were sabotaging different parts of my apartment of being assholes. My next door for some reason pried by bedroom window scream open and sprinkled bird feed and plastic mice and rats on my window sill, while my behind neighbor was shouting obscenities and running around naked with a bunch of construction men on the side lawn that does not exist.

You got me...

Watched a great Penn & Teller Bullshit episode on circumcision. It just reaffirmed by belief that anyone who has their child circumcised should be shot. It's barbaric, outdated and pointless. It serves the same purpose as female circumcision, it's a method of deadening pleasure to make you less human and bring you to your knees. It is astounding how humans will continue practices all in the name of tradition. God asks for a tribute so we cut off our dicks (why would God even want that?????). The Victorians loved it because God forbid we should experience any kind of pleasure we would be deviants. We do it nowadays because we think it is more hygienic and society will accept use more with a "normal" looking penis. All that is crap. Circumcision does not curb masturbation. Ask any teenager in America. As for the religious aspect....give me a break. I am not even going to go there. And as for the hygiene....CLEAN IT YOU DIRTY BITCH! Why must we continually show how stupid we are and how undeserving we are to be living on this earth when we continually participate in antedeluvian practices that serve NO PURPOSE AT ALL.

And finally, thanks to the wonderboo Amanda, I read another article on Asexuality which lead me to AVEN. A great organization that is steadily growing with a site that is very informative. So to all those people who ever poo-poo'ed me: you're big 'ol wankers. Not that the site will make all those "I just don't get its" disappear, but it will help.

American Idol Anger
If you don't watch American Idol, this post will have no bearing for you.

I am ENRAGED that they booted off a perfectly good contestant whith charisma, chamr, style, looks, and a voice and retained what is quite possibly one of the worst contestants I have seen since Nikki on the 1st season. I am glad to see that this country favors girlfriend-beating, hapless, trailer trash, untalented asses who should have been gone WEEKS ago. Ugh this country and show disgust me right now.

I know it is sad to be this worked up over a show...but I am damn it so bite me.

The World of Academe Can SUCK It

I am so irate right now and so ready to just explode. In brief, one of the places I work at, when I was first hired, expressed how much they wanted me there full-time and that a position would be available in the spring and my name was on it. Phrases like "next in line," "earmarked for you," "you are on the radar," were thrown about for the next 6 months and as it turns out there was no position. I was told I would informed when one would become available. A casual hello e-mail today reveals to me that a position was open. Yes, you read right....WAS. The applications were to be in by April 4 for a full-time position in the fall. Was I notified? No. Was I on any radar? Does not look like it. I was told that I hope I applied. I call the HR office and a pool of over 100 applicants was sent over to the committee and that my trying to fill in a form now would be moot. Makes sense since it is 18 days after the fact. I feel totally hoodwinked and feel that I was told that so I would accept the position and make the school look good on paper for minority employees. There are some days when I despise affirmative action. I spent an hour and a half making calls trying to find someone with answers, but it is Firday and everyone runs home as soon as they can. So now...I am fucked. Royally. I am so tired of working all these jobs and going to all these campuses. This was promised to me and would have solved SO many problems for me, and now I am back to square one.

THIS SUCKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!

Religious Riotry

I am so right about this new pope. Apparently, good ol' Benedict suffered a brain hemorrhage in 1991 but he "seems to have recovered from it." So not only could he very well be brain damaged...which I am sure is nothing new for religious leaders, let alone the pope, but he could keel over any second from another one.

And on TOP of that, people need to seriously re-evaluate seeing religious figures everywhere they go. The latest is an underpass stain that looks like the Virgin Mary. Are you kidding me??? Look at the damned thing. It looks nothing like anything except for a stain! I thought the whole building window thing here in Clearwater was ridiculous. I think I am going to start seeing celebrities and report that to the news.

Look! It's Fran Drescher in the bird poop stain on my car.

Look! It's Elaine Stritch in the water ring on my coffee table.

Look! It's the Pope Benedict XVI on the...oh no wait...he just fell over and died.

Dies Irae....Indeed

So then....we have a new pope. A German named Ratzinger...ha ha...who has chosen Benedict as his pope name. Here's the catch...

HE'S 78!!!!!!

Are they looking to repeat the process all over again in the next ten years. At least the last pope lasted several decades. This one may not make it to see the next NSync Album.

Camelzilla vs. Mothra

I cannot begin to describe how exhausted I am right now. Why...you ask. Well, let me tell you.

So after my 9 hour Whorehouse rehearsal last night I was understandably tired. I came home, washed up, checked e-mail, and fell asleep watching TV. As it typical, I wake up several times in the night, and around 4 a.m. I woke up and reazlied the dvd player and vcr were still on, so roll over, get the remotes and turn it off. And I hear some strange noise and realize it is the sound of a flying insect hitting my window pane. And it just keeps hitting it. Then I realize the sound is too clear to be coming from the outside and as I look up to my window I hear a smack and out crawls something from the gap between the windows and the blinds.

Keep in mind....I am blind without my glasses and my history with flying insects (think Tucker and I as roommates trying to do laundry and fending off wasps...tres hilarious). So I LEAP, and I am not kidding, out of bed, grab my glasses and crouch run out of my room, slamming into my door. I flip the light on, still groggy mind you, and see the thing flying around. I thought it was a mud dauber or spider wasp. I shut my door and go into the kitchen and get a flip flop and a can of Lysol (I forgot about my can of Raid hidden away).

I go back to my room and can't find or hear the thing. I step in a little and hear the noise from behind me and run back out. Enough is enough...

I go back in and can't find it. I look around and realize the bugger has landed on a painting and is trying to blend in. And then I see what it is...

A moth...a big one....suddenly I am transported into a Japanese monster movie.

I spray it with the Lysol and it drops. Thank god...

I return the can and the flip-flop, get a drink of water and try to go back to sleep. It is now about 4:15.

I toss and turn and around 4:37 I hear the infamous flapping of wings again. The damned thing had lived. Repeat and rinse as above. But in this round, armed with a flip flop again, I got my can of Raid. Once again it had blended in...this time into my curtain. I spray it. It took a while to die. I am telling you, this was some sort of Satanic moth that only Mary Shelley could have imagined. I deposit it into the trash and head back to bed.

But now... I CAN'T SLEEP. So I try to watch some TV. A lot of paid programming, but I come across Jeepers Creepers 2 and proceed to watch that (probably not the best choice of movies, but ironic nevertheless) until 6 a.m. at which point I try to go to sleep again, only to be woken up around 6:20 by the sound of thumping AND fluttering of wings. I assume someone has broken in and the moth has come back to life and I don't care. I lie there preferring death and insect invasion to losing another minute of sleep.

The thumping turns out to be my cats going at it in a violent way. Hissing and growling. Trust me, cats growl. Ask Sara about Bast, the Evil Kitty. I tried to ignore it, but I open the door, yell something, and let one of my cats in to seek refuge. She crawls under the covers and we both try to sleep...

Notice....I said try....any idea as to the ruckus birds make at 6 in the morning? I do. WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY CHIRPING ABOUT THAT EARLY???? Are they gossiping about the recent avian move-ins down the street on the oak tree? Are they comparing worm recipes? Are they trying to tell each other off? Making fun of the damned pigeons/doves who refuse to get off the road when you are driving? (I am sure Tucker and Amanda know what I mean).

Exhaustion managed to take over at some point and I was out until my alarm rang at 9. I had to go teach and I was NOT coherent at all. My students must have thought I was drunk. I am home now. I refuse to try and sleep before my next class for fear of what many happen next. I swear...I am living in the Old Northeast Amityville house.

AWWWWW....BABY IAN!!!!

A few weeks ago my girl Laurie, who I have been desperately trying to see, at this point I think she thinks I hate her, popped our her progeny and he is a CUTIE. Has the same precociousness of his mother, not to mention her eyes (DAYMN) and Bryan's goofy ass smile as is evidenced in the following picture. I want to see this kid BAD!

The 10th in the Top Ten

Duh....Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar

Some people is SO sad. You would think once they have become an adult, at least in age terms, that they would act like one. It's just SO sad. And pathetic. And SAAAAAAAAAAAAD. In a funny way.

Top Ten...

Was thinking about this today and wanted to get it down in case I ever forgot it. I have a top ten list of roles I would like to play, both professionally and otherwise, before my career fizzles out or never takes off. This is relegated to just musicals. Those in italics are roles I have done.

1) Bobby in Company
2) Che in Evita
3) Albin in La Cage Aux Folles
4) Archibald in The Secret Garden
5) The Engineer in Miss Saigon
6) Leading Player in Pippin
7) Emcee in Cabaret
8) George in Sunday in the Park with George
9) Paul in A Chorus Line
10) Fiyero in Wicked

LOL....I am so kidding on the last one.

I WANT TO BE ELPHABA!!! I AM Elphaba!

Actually I need to think about the tenth one. Maybe this will be a top 15?

Yikes....What a Movie...

Some recent movies and reviews:

1) Sahara - Good movie. I enjoyed it. A litle long on exposition and I can tell they are definitely building it as the Indiana Jones for a new generation. And I am a sucker for those adventure/mystery/hidden treasure movies. Plus, it takes place in a desert...HELLOOOOOOOOOOO...

2) Sin City - My what a graphic movie. Definitely gorier than either of the Kill Bills. Slow to start. Very much in the style of a graphic novel. Great visuals and story.

3) Saw - Rented it after seeing a clip thanks to a student rpesentation in one of my classes. Another faveorite genre of mine (the thriller/serial killer/mystery movie. LOVED Se7en!) Great movie for being shot in 18 days on a small budget. Plot towards the end wanted to make me burn the DVD, but was TOTALLY shocked and surprised at the end of it and was pleasantly surprised and horrified (in a good way).

So...go see em all.

Now THIS is just TOO Damn Funny

CNN.com - Bush?has slime-mold?beetle named after him - Apr 14, 2005

THESPIS TAKE ME NOW!!

I have begun to despise anyone who starts a theatre company and tries to run it like a real one and has no idea what they are doing and does not know the first thing about theatre and producing shows and who has misplaced loyalties with people who should be taken out and put out of their misery by a firing squad of actors and who make life a living hell for my friends/colleagues and who are headed for a miserable crash and burn...

I swore this would not turn into another Stephen Scott Lay thing...and by god it has....no more. I am telling you...no more...

Oh for the days of Spotlight and CentreStage ...or was it CenterStage...or Center Stage...I can never remember. If you are reading this Tucker...help me out....

Oh yeah...dead bodies are funny...

Begrudgingly So....I Write...Well...Type

Have not felt much like writing in the blog even though I keep thinking up things to write. I just have had no motivation. Part of it is that being sick just saps all the energy and life out of me. Part of it is having no time because of school-related stuff. And part of it is this funk I have been in for the last 6 days that just seems to be getting worse. Maybe syntactically purging will help me?

Had my workshops this week at the FSTCthis past weekend. I initially thought only my preparation workshop had been accepted, but I was surprised by the program when I saw my dance workshop was also in. Thankfully, I had a day to prepare. In brief, all three sessions were a success. The kids seemed to like it and not be bored. They asked lots of questions. I was surprised that my 8:30 a.m. workshop actually had about 25 kids. My dance workshop was intense as I walked into the room and was greeted by about 90 kids. I was definitely NOT expecting that. I had everything from trained dancers to two-left-feetists. But everyone stayed and participated and enjoyed what I taught. I was REALLY taken aback by the request for pictures at the end of the workshop. I did not expect that and still do not know what to make of it. But it was a good time. I just could not wait to get home and sleep because I was at the apex of being sick at that point.

I even went into the dance studio on Friday to teach my homeschool kids. I was in so much pain and so sick that I conducted it with grunts and clapping and the children must have understood because they made NO noise during the hour I was there. Was nice. However....

I want out of that place. I don't look forward to going and teaching there because it is just not a positive atmosphere to be in. Kids have dropped, parents are yanking their kids out, we have become a laughing stock, and frankly I am tired of getting my ass ripped open everytime I need to cancel a class or have a sub. Most well-run studios have a cadre of teachers who are able to cover classes in case it is needed. We have three teachers and an office manager who sometimes covers, so the teachers end up getting yelled at when we can't make it. Even if we are sick. Case in point, I called in today and was told to get my "hynie" in as I had no choice. I simply refused as I was not going to make myself feel worse and was threatened with being told on to the owners.....bring it. I am definitely not in the wrong. I am not a full-time employee, I don't get benefits, no 401, no thanks, no appreciation, and no support of any kind. I need the money, but I will be damned if I am going to kill myself when I can use the time to focus on publishing and furthering my teaching and performing careers.

I have adopted a pet spider. I noticed a white speck on a web near my kitchen sink about a month ago and found the little bugger. Spiders are good luck in your house and get rid of pests, so I let it be. It has been slowly growing and is now a beige color. I worry though because of the absence of pests, especially in that area, but it seems to find things as I see the carcasses it drops, including other spiders. Today, I noticed a bug on the counter that was trying to disguise itself as a piece of random trash or dirt (note to those bugs: moving, gives you away). I was going to kill it, but I hung it on the spider web and watched. I have always been fascinated by how spiders attack, kill, and eat their prey. So I watched like some nasty little arachnid voyeur.

Is this a metaphor for my life as of late?

This is going to be a rather lengthy post I can tell.

Sorry Laurie again for not making it up there....hope this post makes up for it in some odd way.

The shows are coming along. Odd rehearsal schedule for Whorehouse and odd situations in J&H. Just gotta keep thinking of paying the bills and saving money and ignoring the other bullshit.

Part of my "funkosity" (that is SO not a word) is dealing with some recent crap. It's all about perception and reality and the spinner of truths who views the world through his or her own skewed lens. Being talked about, slandered and misjudged is nothing new to me as I have had to deal with it for most of my life from every possible person. However, there are certain things that do get me riled up. I am a private person, no doubt, so that always leads to gossipy speculation, and that's fine. People choose to believe what they want to in the absence of truth or hey have the balls to actually ask questions. Those same people will also misinterpret signs, signals and behaviors as markers of some kind of truth that end up with the fucked up logic of: Well, if I do or say this, then he must too. 'Coz that makes A LOT of sense...riiiiiiiiight. What these people never bother to do is to ask and confront. But even then, that seems to be a lost cause because some people would rather believe the fantastical over what they perceive as boring truth. Sorry if I can't fulfill your sick little delusional needs. I despise people who can't take the truth for what it is when it is given. I have nothing to hide, nothing to reveal and when I speak, although it may sometimes be lengthy, I choose my words carefully and I do not suffer fools gladly. I despise the effortlessness of people who misjudge, misunderstand, and miscalculate my moves, motives and emotions. And I despise those who would use what they perceive as weakness as a way to undermine and destroy my personality, my strength, my freedom, and my choices. Mind fuckers are horrible human beings, and I should know, because I was one, and I can be one. But why get through deceit what is more easily and pleasantly gained through honesty and friendship and not some venomous, pedantic wormtongued effort that only ends up painting you as a hypocritical Shylock demanding a pound of flesh to replace the many pounds you have had to gnaw out with your own despairing teeth.

I'm waxing poetic...but it makes a point much clearly and funly (again, SO not a word).

But that is what it is. I always expect the best out of and from people (naive of me, I know) and am always knocked flat on my ass by the most surprising people, and a few not-so-surprising to boot. Fuck all y'all.

And really....so much more I can talk about. But I'll save it for the next time I need a cathartic purging.

We'll Keep Moving Onward

Well, La Cage ended yesterday after an amazing three-week run and an absolutely terrific audience on Saturday that definitely enjoyed the show immensely. The show was challenging in so many ways and fun in so many ways, and although I was knocked flat on my ass after the last show (don't ask) the run will definitely be a memorable one.

So now I move into Whorehouse and J&H (the former for which I attended a rehearsal two hours after the show closed...talk about rapid change). Gotta find some work for the summer to stay afloat. And I REALLY hope BMCC calls me for an interview. I called their HR department to check on the status of my application and as it turns out their sending me an affirmative action survey was their way of telling me that the department picked up my application for review. I have no clue how many other people I am up against, but considering the reputation of the school and where it is, I am definitely jazzed that they are looking at it. I REALLY hope they call...soon. With everything that has just blown up in my face the last 48 hours, I could really use the change and the escape. And yes, I am using that word with the ful knowledge of what it implies and means. Whatever...

Everything else is what it is. School is the same with four weeks left to go. Nothing much else fun and exciting going on. Nothing too humorous to relate. Life is nothing without its little fuck ups to keep you in check when you get too happy or comfortable.

why do I even bother?