Ok, if you don't watch Surface....you NEED to. What an amazing show. I literally sat here open jawed at the end of tonight's episode. Only other show that has done that to me is Lost.

Great stuff!

Look for new design change soon.

Things have an odd way of working out in life.

It is 5:15 a.m. and I have been losing my cookies for the last 45 minutes, and I can't stop.

damn it

Brokeback Broke Me

I was really reticent about writing anything about this movie because of some of the backlash I know I would get from it, but I would be negligent as someone who touts equality and freedom of speech if I did not speak on the movie.

I honestly did not know what to expect and I am still rather stunned and on the verge of tears yet unable to really be emotional about it. This is an amazing movie. Simply said, nothing more. This is not, quite insultingly, the "gay cowboy movie." And to be honest, the gay issue is not at the forefront here. This is the MOST understated and MOST powerful love story/movie I have EVER seen gay, straight, bi, tri or anything else.

What was most amazing was that the audience was packed for a 10 p.m. show on a Sunday with gay and straight people, couples, individuals, whatever. Not a damn person left the theatre during the movie. I was surprised and impressed, but from what I have been hearing, a lot of people from all walks of life have been flocking to and loving this movie.

If you are a human being and you have a heart, I don't give a rat's ass what your prejudices are, go see this movie and I challenge you not to be moved by the movie's theme. This is not propoganda, this is not pro- gay rights, this is not shoving anything down anyone's face. This is love as a raw entity and nothing that is romanticized, publicized, media-ized, whatever-ized. There is definitely NO agenda here other than to tell a story.

It is about the choices you make and how you negotiate life based on those choices—it is a tale of what happens when you find someone that you fall inexplicably and irrevocably in love with, and then cannot express that love — this is why the story resonates. It is universal — a yearning for love and acceptance.

Honestly, go see it. Your expectations will be reversed.

You Want Me to Sing What Note???

So first night of B&B rehearsal....bed and breakfast.....booty is a beast.....my beast is a booty....beauty and the beast....

So two racially charged comments and one on-the-rag riff later, and here I am.

I said that because I know Jason/Amanda read this and it would be lovely humor fodder for them.

Really Jason? You've only seen Tony as a "proper" black man?

Laugh bitches, laugh.

Went well. Quiet group, focused, sounds good together. In between fits of laughter with Tony as he was aghast at hitting high notes and making sexual comments to a son of Jesus, it was swimmingly intruiging.

Still trepidatious and with good reason...but eh...life is too short, so what do I care, right?

Yeah, I know...piss moan whine, table of one, pity party here and on and on and on.

And oh my god...Tony just called me Ruthie Henshall.

WTF?!?!

And yo....when you gots a problem with someone, try saying something TO them and not hide behind badly ambiguous comments as thinly veiled excuses to try and make a point or show-people-what-fo.

This is going to be a busy friggin spring session. Thank god!

Happy New Year Y'All

Some random thoughts and comments:

1) New Year's Eve was great. I really did not want to go anywhere or do anything. I did end up going to the dinner I was invited to and had an amazing time being around real people with amazing souls and a true sense of humanity. It is refreshing to be around people who tell it like it is, don't bullshit, and know how to enjoy life. Thankfully, half of them are in or are goig to be in NY so this makes it extra special for me as I have grown quite fond of them and enjoy being around them. I am even planning on flying up in Feb to audition for a show that one of them has written and is being workshopped and optioned for a possible Broadway run. Who knows...

2) Club Med went well although I feel like I could have done more. Felt odd being off site and just lazying about the hotel room working on school stuff and then going to rehearse. But the new G.O.s are nice and I had a good time. Hopefully the show went well. And I got paid, which is a plus.

3) I have no resolutions for the New Year except to continue doing what I am doing as I feel I am on the right track. Lose more weight, save more money, work up more motivation to leave.

4) B&B starts this week. I can honestly say that I do not know what to expect and am frankly a little trepidatious about working with people who have been rather disparaging behind my back. I know it should not matter as they are people who either think they know me and don't, or people who have known me for so long and still don't know me. Confront them? Sure, I could. But then that would give away how I keep finding things out and that would ruin the "fun." Hurts my feelings? Sure, sometimes. But it is an eye-opener if nothing else. It just keeps deadening the feelings and nerves so that it will all be moot.

And on that note, I am going to go back to watching the Cops marathon.