Summer Sucks

So I have essentially become a recluse in my own apartment. I think I left my place in the last four days for a total of an hour, and I am being generous. I can't seem to motivate myself to get out and do anything.

Even writing seems like such a daunting task for me. I did get one bite and sent in the additional requested pages, but I am sure that will take time. I have some really great ideas brewing, but I need to move past whatever this is so I can get back to writing.

The other pursuits are fine It is testing my patience, but I need to stop and assert myself to myself every once in a while (read: day) before I lose my mind. I guess I feel like I have something to prove.

Does not help that I don't seem to have support from everyone back home. I swear, I leave and expect my name to be kept out of pithy gossiped conversations and I have to keep hearing about it. It should not bother me that some people seem to think I am not going to "make it" - whatever that means - up here, but it does. That just fuels me some more.

The best revenge is success. And why should I have to waste emotional energy when life and karma are enough to take care of any naysayer and muckraker.

Had a visit from a good friend last week and even though we both tried to let go and have fun, we are both burdened with things that just did not allow us to just have as much fun as we could.

I am down to on job now, as Lit2Go ends this week (no more funding). And I do not think I am going to get a full load of classes next semester due to all the student complaints I received.

Apparently, failing students for plagiarizing and following college approved and mandated course policies (which pisses off students who don't follow directions) flags me as a problem. I don't quite understand the logic behind it although I recognize the postmodernistic corporatization of the post-secondary education system behind it all. Cogs in machines. Trying to find a new job was not something I was looking forward to doing as it is not easy to do at all. Too overqualified. Not qualified enough. Too ethnic. Not ethnic enough.

Life sucks.

But we soldier on.

I have nothing of any rhetorical importance to say as I have been out of touch with the world. Hoping to get my citizenship in the next two months. Owe the IRS a shitload of money because UT did not take out enough taxes. Debt still not paid off.

Mamma said there'd be days like this....she wasn't just whistling Dixie.

I figure all this emotional upheaval and stress will either get so bad that my head will pop or the dam will explode and my creative juices will spew forth all over the page.

Ew...

You know what I mean.

Polar Beasts

And, no, I am not talking about the white fluffy things that could take off your head with one swipe.

I refer to polar opposites. There I go trying to be witty again...

Few people know that I enjoy watching sports of certain kinds. The assumption that I am in theatre from some reason precludes any additional interests when the fact is that I grew up a jock playing multiple sports and watched a lot of it on TV (mostly wrestling and soccer).

Aside from the Olympics, there are few sports I watch in the US. I find football boring and tennis repetitive (and all the grunts make me uneasy). However, last year I discovered a great little reality show that got me hooked onto Ultimate Fighting.

I know, the shock first of all that I watch a show called Ultimate Fighter and second that it is on Spike TV. But it reminds me of watching wrestling as a kid and screaming over ring luminaries such as Andre the Giant (how thrilled was I to see him in Princess Bride?), the British Bulldogs, old school Hulk Hogan, and the Japanese guy who always threw stuff into people's eyes.

I literally scream at the tv: KILL HIM!! Take him down!!! Aw, come ON!. Yes....I do. And I enjoy every minute of it.

On the complete opposite end is the same fervor I felt watching Gillian Murphy and Ethan Steifel in ABT's The Sleeping Beauty - my first official ballet performance viewing in NY. I bought some $24 standing room only tickets and stood in the back of the third level. I tried to find creative ways to rest on the bar so I could see the whole stage. I felt like a dance hall girl from Sweet Charity. Those ushers at the met are bastards too as I tried sitting down on the steps and was shooshed off. I dare not try to take one of the empty seats for fear they may flay me. Broadway ushers, while spikey at times, are so much friendlier.

Anyway, the ballet, one of the longest in ballet repertory, was great...and long. I did not get out until 11. But Murphy and Steifel are in-fucking-credible. I wanted to catch it again tonight with another cast of faves, but fell asleep. That is ok as there are plenty other shows coming up where I can see them, including one of my faves, Manon.

I am telling you, ballet and opera folk know how to rape audiences for money. Same shows, different casts so you have to come back to see the ones you like. Seats on the mezz (Grand Parterre as they call it) that run $168 (I will never complain about Bway tickets again). They have it cornered I tell ya. Of course, all the money they are obviously making and I still don't understand why dancers are the last paid of artists and do more work.

It reminded me of seeing Swan Lake with Sara oh so many years ago at the $ C's conference in Colorado. We were supposed to be networking and schmoozing and went to the ballet instead. It was my first dance show ever and I absolutley fell in love with the art form and that specific ballet. I don't think anything beats it in terms of classical rep.

Aside from all this, I THINK I got a bite for my book. A small agency requested more pages so I am hoping this leads somewhere. In the meantime, I have this other idea that has been floating around in my head and screaming to get out, so I should get started on that.

Theatre stuff is going fine (go to the other site :).

Feel a sense of anxiety and forboding but I am sure it will pass.

ALMOST There

Ok, so I have everything set to do what I want it to do on the new site with the exception of two things:

1) This odd lack of capitalization after the first post (which does not happen in Firefox).

2) The opacity of my side menu which is affecting my content as well and should not be.

Still trying to fix things....until then....back wo work I go.

New Layout Miseries

Forgive some of the hiccups in the new design. Trying to work out all the kinks as best as I can before I can say it is completley done. But I can't test anything unless I upload it, so for a day or two you get some weird looking stuff.